The Ultimate Christmas Present (2000)

[00:00:02] This is a Bramble Jam Podcast. Oh yeah! Merry Christmas! It's a lie. Merry Christmas. It is great to be back here today on DCOM Descendants or on Deck the Hallmark if you're listening to us there. It's a little program called DCOM Descendants. It's a double drop!

[00:00:29] We do DCOM Descendants. It's a single drop on two drops. It's a single drop on two feeds. It's a single drop, it's a feed drop, it's multiple feeds. It's a double feed drop. That's exactly right. We'll get there. We will. It's a double drop.

[00:00:42] You drop the different shows on the different feeds? Yeah, you do that. You do that, right? Well this show is produced by Brandon Gray. It is, it's true. It's true. I don't touch the feeds though. Just wait until I produce the show guys. It's going to crush.

[00:00:53] Dan, what is DCOM Descendants for people that don't know what it is? You probably don't know what Deck the Hallmark is if you welcome into the Superior Show. Why? Because no Brian. Brian's a girl! Yeah. So he's better? He's better. This is a show without... Without saying.

[00:01:09] Without the four Deck the Hallmark segments, but with four segments of their very own, but one takes up the majority of the time. We're going to take a look at a Disney Channel original movie. We started at the beginning. I've never seen any of them.

[00:01:20] These two people claim to be experts, but you find out often they've not seen them along the way. And we have a good old-fashioned fun time. And it's a little bit more PG-13 than Deck the Hallmark. So if that's something... It won't be today. It won't be today?

[00:01:35] Really? You've heard the show already, huh? It's Ultimate Christmas Parade. There's nothing about this that could get PG-13. That's right. Yeah, couldn't. Couldn't. There's no way. Not with that Santa. Not with that Santa. I think we should hold off on saying this is not PG-13.

[00:01:49] Santa's a full voyeurism for Santa there. When you're alone in your room. He sees you when you're there. He's making some assumptions. It was a pretty accurate assumption. Brushing teeth three times a day is not an assumption. It's a weird one to make. That's one too many, right?

[00:02:06] What's the first segment though, Brayn? It spells out D.C.O.M. Brayn's very proud of that. So our four segments will D.C.O.M. That's very important to the show. If you don't have that, you're going to be lost.

[00:02:14] You might be like, what are we doing here? It's time for Delish. Aaron, each and every week you provide us something, a snack, a bevy. Somewhere in between. I think this actually... This is somewhere in between a snack and a bevy.

[00:02:29] That goes along with the movie that we're talking about today. What do we got today? Today we have what I'm going to call a summer twist on a snow cone. This is blended watermelon with a little bit of sugar.

[00:02:46] Drizzled over top, it's been in our freezer all morning. Drizzled over top is some sweetened condensed milk. This movie has a ton of snow. It does look like slush. It's a summer snow kind of situation. But it is a thousand degrees outside and also it's red for Christmas.

[00:03:04] Cheers everybody, let's eat. That's good. I love watermelon. You don't like it. Dan doesn't like it. Dan hates it. Dan thinks you're dumb. Yeah, I know. No, no, no. I don't think you're dumb. Share your thoughts. It's just not my favorite thing. I'm weird on watermelon.

[00:03:31] If watermelon's really good, I like it. You're weird on fruit flavored things. Yes, yes I am. True. I like the texture of it. I like that it's cold like a snow cone. But it's not for me. And that's okay. I like it a lot.

[00:03:43] Also, Bran, I'm just letting you know right now, I'm going to have to pop out of the parking lot here in two minutes. For about two minutes. You can keep recording or you can stop it. Just letting you know. Is today stay drug day? It is today.

[00:03:57] Today is drug day. It's drug Tuesday. So what does it call? What are we calling it? I don't know. What if we call it- Watermelon snow cone surprise. Christmas in July- Fun times? Fun times. It's the Christmas in July fun times watermelon frozen sweet and condensed milk.

[00:04:15] We're going to take a quick break. We're going to come back here on Decomp- Descendants. We're back. Oh boy. We're back on that perfectly normal sized break. It was perfectly normal. Ultimate Christmas present is what we're talking about today. It's time for ComChat.

[00:04:52] That's what they- Remember D for Decomp. D for Delish. Delish. Com is ComChat. C for Decomp. For Seacom. We're going to get there. ComChat. We're talking about ultimate, the ultimate Christmas present. It was released on December 1st in the year 2000. Our last 2000 movie. Yes.

[00:05:16] Here in the Disney Channel. I feel like we've had 20 movies in the year 2000. It's been a big, big year for Decomps. They went really hard in 2000. Directed by Michael Hitchcock. Dude, he's an actor. He's a comedic actor. Unless it's a different Michael Hitchcock. It very well could be.

[00:05:35] I mean he's got his own Wikipedia. He is an actor, a comedian, a screenwriter, and a television producer. He's a really funny dude. He's in some Christopher Guest movies I believe. There you go. He's in my favorite comedy of all time, Best Costume.

[00:05:47] Oh sorry, it's written by him. It is directed by Greg Beeman. I feel like we've seen a lot of... He did Brink. Yes. Greg Beeman directed Brink. And starring Hallie Hirsch. And for the first time... Brenda Song. Brenda Song. Let's give it up for Brenda Song.

[00:06:02] All right, Brenda. Thank you. Phil Marshall is the theme music composer. I think he does a lot of music for Disney Channel FM. Is it too punny to call Brenda Song the unsung hero of D.C. on the show? No! The unsung hero. Well, it's not too punny.

[00:06:19] It's just I think wrong. Based upon... Yes, she made... Okay, all right. Oh my gosh. It's a big promise there. We have what? At least three more? We have three more. At least that we know of. That I can remember.

[00:06:34] Yeah, she could have done more later than after the fact. But Ultimate Christmas Present. Let's dive into it. So the movie kicks off with... I don't know. Would you call it ska? It is... Reggae. Reggae. Yeah, like a two-tone reggae situation. Yeah, it's just two-tone reggae.

[00:06:51] Once the third tone comes in and you kick it, you... That's ska. That's full-blown ska. That's it. So yeah, three-tone is a different world altogether. Can you break that down for me? What's the first tone? I don't know. Okay. I know that two-tone ska is pretty much reggae.

[00:07:02] And three-tone ska is the stuff that we would listen to growing up. Fourth wave. Third wave. Third wave. Yes. Why would it be three-tone fourth wave? I don't understand. Where did that extra wave come from? Third tone, fourth wave. Can't lose.

[00:07:16] It's deck the halls is what I'm trying to say. Is this on these legs? It is three days before Christmas and meteorologist Edwin Hadley... Edwin Hadley is telling us it is going to be a hot, hot Christmas. Dan, when you first saw Edwin Hadley,

[00:07:32] did you think that Edwin Hadley was going to be a big part of this movie? No. He was such a bad actor in that scene. He's not as bad the rest of the movie, but in that scene... He's playing awkward. He's a weatherman. Yes. Weatherman or an awkward.

[00:07:46] In that first scene, because she was watching the news so intently, I thought it was her dad. Yeah, she's really into it. I didn't think he'd be a big part, and I'm still not convinced he is. I think the thing about him though is... Go for it.

[00:08:01] You're right. He is a weatherman, but he's really more interested in just the teaching of meteorology. Somehow he's the bad... The guy that wants to impart meteorologist wisdom on other people is the bad guy in this movie, which is neither here nor there. You want to teach science?

[00:08:20] How dare you? Boo! You know what it would be? Some seltzer water and some sort of alcohol, I think. You think that would bring that home? Yeah. Wow. Not everything has to be alcoholic. True. I mean, I didn't have to freeze it as a slushie.

[00:08:33] I could have just blended it, mixed it with vodka. You don't like rum. I don't like vodka. I'd take rum over vodka. Wow, okay. There you go. Allie Thompson is our main character. She is in middle school, and she has a neighbor who is her best friend

[00:08:49] played by Brenda Song. Let's give it up for Brenda Song, everybody. Brenda Song, everybody. People are calling her the unsung hero of... They are! I've heard that! I just don't get it. Brenda Song's name is Sam in this movie. Just wait till Wendy Woo, man.

[00:09:01] Oh, she's a homecoming queen. Warrior. Warrior. She's going to do fighting. Stuck in the suburbs. Oh my gosh. Get a freaking clue? Dude, that... How about we just do this one? Could we do this movie since we're here now?

[00:09:18] I'm going to play that song nonstop for like the whole week. Get a clue. Wake up, it's me, it's you. Get a clue. Wake up, it's me, it's you, it's us. It's everybody around here doing stuff. Get a clue. All right, back to the Elizabeth Christensen. Yes.

[00:09:35] Brenda Song's name is Sam in this movie. And after school... We haven't figured it out yet. The comm chat segment is where the time is spent. That's right. Why? We are on track. Rolling. After school, after being assigned ridiculous paper right before Christmas, Three days before Christmas.

[00:09:51] they go on a little bike ride. They get lost in the woods and they stumble upon a cabin in the woods. Not that cabin. Allie decides that she's going to look through the window of the cabin, which I would have probably done too.

[00:10:06] If I stumbled upon the cabin in the woods. I would not. As a middle schooler, you wouldn't look through the window of a cabin you stumbled upon? No, as a middle schooler, I would have not known to not. I would have 100%.

[00:10:15] I'm going to say as a middle schooler, I would not have gone into the woods alone without an adult. Aw, you're so responsible. Such a rule follower. If I came upon the cabin... No, I'm not going to go look in people's windows. Look in people's windows?

[00:10:28] That's a cabin. That's a Taylor Swift reference. We called it. We all tracked it. Yeah, she's the only one to have ever... First time I look at people's windows. Okay, just me. Okay, I'll explain. Explaining it more, I think, would help. Can you give me a weird breakdown?

[00:10:42] I would have been too afraid of like... Yeah, Dan and I are definitely looking at it. Yeah, we're definitely looking at it. I'm creating a story in my head about what's going on. And that is the only reason why we were not friends in middle school.

[00:10:51] And maybe burning it down. Yes, of course. What? What? You're burning... I wouldn't. You said that. I didn't. You came out of nowhere. Like middle school boys never play with fire. No. Well, I did play with fire. Yeah. I'm on board for that. Okay, great.

[00:11:07] You're on board with burning down the cabin. No, playing with fire. Just playing with fire. Erin is actually leading the charge in burning down the cabin. That's right. She doesn't want you to know it. Guys, we will not look in that window. But...

[00:11:18] Well, that's why I say fire. She doesn't want to look in the window because she wants to feel guilt-free when she burns it down and not know if anybody was in it. For sure. Yeah. Peachy 13, guys. No, Santa can't catch on fire. He can't catch on fire.

[00:11:30] I don't know if you've seen that fireproof suit he has. From this movie? No, I just based all Santa knowledge off the Santa Claus. It's the best Santa. It is, yes. So you think all Santas wear the suit from the Santa Claus? Mm-hmm. Yes. All right. I'm down.

[00:11:46] That's the way that he became Santa. Cocoa cookies dispenser in a sleigh? Compact is. Like, that is like canon. Like, Santa Claus is Santa Claus for me. And then everything else is just like fan fiction. Wow. But what if I fall off the roof? Fan fiction. Fan fic.

[00:12:04] Reindeer up on the roof. It is a great movie. Reindeer up on the roof. It's a great movie. You should watch that. Someone's running around naked somewhere. So... Good morning, Mrs. McClure. They find... It's so good! How do you expect me to move on? Naked!

[00:12:23] Good morning, Mrs. McClure. How do you expect us to just move on? It's Christmas in July. We're talking Santa Claus. At least we know they got hot apple pie. We did. Mm-hmm. See what you did? This is you. Not us, it's you. Plain milk's fine.

[00:12:39] So they find the cabin in the woods. And they look in the window. They see an old guy. He's working on some sort of contraption. Contraption? Contraption. And it's ultimate Christmas present. That's what we're talking about. Thanks for asking. And this guy gets mad at this.

[00:12:56] Did this movie go down in my rankings because of the Santa Claus talk? Maybe. Wow. I was hoping it had the opposite effect and go up. Like maybe you can trick it in your mind. No. To be like we actually watched the Santa Claus.

[00:13:08] Real Santa Claus movie we just talked about. That's gonna sting here. So... Yeah. This is just some dumb fan fiction. Ali probably wrote this story for her class. That's right. This is a good thing we don't have to record two of these today.

[00:13:23] We can go as long as we want. Sorry. Ali, Sam, they see him throw something out into the trash can. They go to the trash can. They get the thing out of the trash can. They're like what is this? We don't know. We're gonna take it home.

[00:13:34] So they do. They go. They take it home. They start messing with all the little nozzles. This is where you, if this is you in the story, you in the story, you would say when things started going haywire, I can't get in trouble for this. Yeah.

[00:13:46] Because you just got something out of the trash can. It's something you would do. 100%. Yeah. And you'd be like well it's not my fault. It's not my fault. I can't get in trouble for this. I can't get in trouble for this. It was trash. It was trash.

[00:13:58] Have you ever used the magic curb in front of our house before? Where you put things on the curb and it's gone? Have you ever done this? No. In our neighborhood if you put anything on the curb that is not trash it will be gone.

[00:14:08] I got rid of some deck furniture. Old chairs. Barely held together. Gone within five minutes. Wow. And now if those chairs started a storm, whose fault would that be? Not ours. Not ours. Not ours. Except for tree limbs. They don't take those. They don't take those.

[00:14:25] They stick around for a long time. They sit around for a long time. They're supposed to come every week. They're supposed to take those. Yeah. Is it every week? It's supposed to be. It's insane. The same street every week. The same street just has piles of tree limbs.

[00:14:37] It's supposed to be every week. And where are they coming from? It's supposed to be every week. You can only take down so many tree limbs. They shouldn't commit to every week if they can't do every week. That's right. Yeah.

[00:14:47] And sometimes they'll show up like twice in a month. Sometimes they realize they've done goofed. Yeah. It's insane. Shout out though, yeah that grayville. Yeah, a lot they do right though. A lot they do right. The water. I will say the machine is kind of cool.

[00:14:59] The heart's in the right spot. And the water. Have I mentioned the water? Best water. Oh. So they're playing around with the machine. They turn on one button and it begins to rain in the room. Lightning strike, lightning crashes. Weather machine. Thank you.

[00:15:17] And then they do a little earthquake, all this stuff. They do the snow button. They put outside. Oh, it starts to snow inside. They're like this is amazing. Let's put it outside to see what happens. They do the thing and it doesn't immediately take off.

[00:15:30] Let's just let it, set it and forget it. Allie wakes up the next day, snow is all over the ground. And she's like, it worked. This is amazing. They're so excited. And why wouldn't you be? As a kid who, this is Los Angeles. Los Angeles.

[00:15:46] Why wouldn't you be thrilled about snow? The best scene of this movie is the snow day that these kids in Los Angeles get. They've never had a snow day in their life. Well, they don't even know what a snow day is.

[00:15:57] Brenda Song has to say, my cousin in Boston said that sometimes if there's so much snow, they can't clear the streets fast enough and they cancel school. Did you, growing up in Boston, Greater Boston, did you get a lot of snow days? Couldn't have, right?

[00:16:09] Most days you just had to go to school. Um, it, I would say like when I was younger, I feel like we had more snow days. And then as I got older, when we had a new superintendent and he was very big on just

[00:16:21] being in school whenever possible. But we were a big, like a city where we had a lot of kids that walked. And so sometimes the street would be clear, but if they couldn't get all the sidewalks plowed, they would cancel school anyway because kids couldn't get there. Wow.

[00:16:37] There you have it. But yeah, snow, no school. Uh, we, I, I, I grew up in Florida and so you were hoping hurricanes came. So many times. You were pulling for hurricanes. You were pulling for the hurricanes. Yikes. Yeah. That's dark. I don't, I don't.

[00:16:51] You said this wasn't PG-13. I don't, I don't know if that's. I think that's rated R. I think that all kids in Florida were pulling for. 100%. 100% they were. Kids don't get it. I remember a hurricane Hugo came through when I was living in South Carolina.

[00:17:01] No, you have no idea. And I was like, maybe we won't go to school tomorrow. This is fantastic. It could go. No, you know what? The best, the best is when you get school canceled, but you don't lose power. That's obviously the ideal. Yeah.

[00:17:13] It starts becoming way less fun. It'd be really great. It becomes way less fun in the summertime when the power goes off. You know how long you're going to be out of. We do have Brian on the street in Florida interviewing some local kids about hurricanes. Brian.

[00:17:25] Oh, and we lost that. We lost it. Oh, we lost it. Hate that. Wow. I did see pulling for hurricanes live though. I'm going to say that again. Pulling for hurricanes, quite a band. They were two tone, which is weird. Yeah. I hear the third is coming though.

[00:17:37] Third is coming. Fourth wave, third tone. That's exactly right. So they're so excited. They run outside there. They don't have school. They're playing in the snow. They're, you know, making sleds out of like pool noodles and stuff, like trying to use anything to go sledding on.

[00:17:46] It's big fun. But our guy, Edwin Hadley, me and my wife, we're like, we're going to go sledding. We're going to go sledding. We're going to go sledding. We're going to go sledding. We're going to go sledding. We're going to go sledding.

[00:18:24] being the science focused man that he is, is really concerned about where this is coming from. What is the source of this? Yeah. Cause it doesn't make sense to him. He's a scientist. So he's committed to finding the root of this snowstorm.

[00:18:39] So Edwin's also in trouble because he didn't predict it coming. He didn't predict it. And that's tough. It's almost like magic was involved and not science. What? Possible. Now, we heard from Ryan, bad weather. Oh man, Brian's bummed. He refused to do the segment and everything.

[00:18:57] He seems angry about it too. He seemed angry. It's almost like he didn't get paid, which is false. What? It's ridiculous. So everything is going really well for them, but then the snowstorm. Really well as in the snow just keeps pummeling Los Angeles.

[00:19:14] Yes, that's what I was getting to. It starts to become not so fun. Snow begins to continue to spread, not just from Los Angeles, but going up the coastline and eventually getting to San Francisco, which is where Ali's dad is because he is... In software. What's he doing?

[00:19:30] What's he trying to get ready? What's he trying to say? BonesforBowser.com Bones for Bowser. Cameron spokesperson. You lucky dog callback. Brian, I just want to commend you on the complete and utter self-control because you said the

[00:19:46] word San Francisco and didn't go off on a tangent about Rice-A-Roni. Talking about Rice-A-Roni? I thought you might be. It is. Here's the thing about Rice-A-Roni, Dan, and I'm glad you brought it up this time. It's a San Francisco treat.

[00:19:59] A lot of people everywhere think that it's a treat for them and I say, no sirree, have you had it in San Fran? I always forget about Rice-A-Roni. Yeah. Yeah. Because when I hear San Francisco, I just go Francisco. Francisco. That's fun to say.

[00:20:16] And then my brain is off on a totally different... And it became syrup. Yeah, I'm off on a totally different tangent. But Rice-A-Roni. It's a San Francisco treat. Sponsor, promo code D-com to send us your magic. Why have I not emailed the Rice-A-Roni people?

[00:20:24] Why have I not emailed the Rice-A-Roni people? I don't know. It's your whole thing. They're probably owned by some sort of big conglomerate. It's your entire identity as a human being. If someone says San Francisco, you go, have you heard about this Rice-A-Roni?

[00:20:30] Can you look it up really quickly? Rice-A-Roni, who owns it? If it's a self-made company, if it's not run by one of those big boys, then we could probably get them. But once you get the big boys, you can't get it. It's a big company.

[00:20:36] It's a big company. It's a big company. It's a big company. It's a big company. It's a big company. It's a big company. People start getting owned by the, you know, Hep-C-Co subsidiary, quaker oats. Screwed. Owns Rice-A-Roni. We're in trouble. We're in trouble. We can't get them.

[00:21:00] The De Domenico brothers invented Rice-A-Roni in 1958 after seeing their sister in law combine rice, vermicelli, and Swanson's chicken broth. Let me guess where they lived. Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh. Did they live in San Francisco, Dan? Dan, did they live in San Francisco? I think they did, yes. Thank you.

[00:21:20] I don't think we could be sponsored by a Pepsi subsidiary. Oh, Dan, tell everybody really quickly the story about the person sitting next to you on the plane that asked for Pepsi. Oh my goodness. We're on a plane, a red eye. This guy is sitting next to me.

[00:21:34] From the west coast to the east coast. This is actually the east coast to the west coast. It's a reverse red eye. It's the middle of the night. It's a reverse red eye. Yeah, this guy is minding his own business and the drink cart comes through and they

[00:21:47] do the bid. He doesn't want anything to drink and I get just like a club soda. And then this guy, it's a bid. If you are a flight attendant, you do nonstop bids and we all know it.

[00:21:59] None of them are talking in their real voice or as the real person. Everyone is put on their flight attendant character suit and they are flight attendants. They are not who they are. Gotta be. So you're saying flight attendants aren't real people?

[00:22:12] No, I'm saying they're paid to be- Dan just said flight attendants aren't real people. No, that's not what I said at all. You got a lot of respect for flight attendants, the whole industry. Many are saying I love flight attendants more than anyone else. Yeah.

[00:22:23] I mean, I would agree to that to an extent, but them asking, do you want anything? You're saying you've never had a flight attendant that's a being themselves? If you watch a flight attendant's countenance as you're walking off the plane, they're a different person. It's pretty normal.

[00:22:38] They were doing a bid and they asked this guy if he wanted anything. It's like being a server in a restaurant. You have to be the best version of yourself. You just have to. They asked this guy if he wanted anything.

[00:22:46] They asked if he wanted anything to drink and he goes, do you all have a Pepsi? And she goes, is Coke okay? And he goes, can I have a cranberry juice? That's the interaction. How do you get there? How do you get there? I would like a Pepsi.

[00:22:59] Oh, you only serve Coke products. Well then in that case, my second option is cranberry juice. I used to think that the most ridiculous thing that could happen was when I asked for a root beer and they say we have Dr. Pepper because that's not close.

[00:23:11] But it's closer than cranberry juices to Pepsi. Those are just vastly different flavor profiles. So different. So different. Imagine craving a Pepsi and you go, well if I can't have that, second best thing, cranberry juice. At least I won't get a UTI. What in the world? Cranberry juice.

[00:23:27] Might as well. Any whom. So the storm's getting real bad is what we're trying to say and his dad's stuck in San Francisco. Now while all of this is happening, Santa's elves are now made aware of the situation. Of course, yes.

[00:23:41] By John Sally and the guy from coach, not coach. The other one, SpongeBob SquarePants. So Patrick, he's Patrick Star. He's not SpongeBob either. He's not SpongeBob or coach. I want to be very clear about that. He's not. Oh, but he is in the Patrick Star show. That's right.

[00:23:55] Patrick got his own show. Neither coach nor SpongeBob. Patrick got his own show. That's correct. And I think Sandy Cheeks got her own show too, which is ridiculous. Talk about a one note character. We get it. You're from Texas. You're a squirrel.

[00:24:08] You live in a dome under the water. Which is ridiculous. How did they get there? You're really angry about this. I don't know how they got there. Like it's all sea creatures and then you got Sandy. How did we get here? How did we get here? San Francisco.

[00:24:24] The elves. The elves. The elves. The elves. Sparky and Crumpet. Sparky and Crumpet. John Sally, NBA champion, John Sally. Rick Fox. So our guys there are now committed to coming and helping Santa.

[00:24:41] What they are going to be doing is they are going to first, this is, you know, somebody stole it. Again, questionable. You threw it out. I can't get in trouble for this. But they say no nice person would do that, which as if.

[00:24:56] Let's start with the naughty list. They get, they find a shoe print. They trace it back to a specific type of shoe that would only be worn by women. And so they get, they track it down. We're going to look at just the naughty girls.

[00:25:10] We're going to look at just the naughty girls. How many times can you say that? Which I will say sounds weird that Bran is saying it that way, but that is how they say it in the movie. Still doesn't make it okay.

[00:25:21] I have a list of naughty girls. That's what Santa says. Bran carries around a list of naughty girls regularly. Naughty girl. So they pull out their, they know the shoe size. Seven. Seven. So they know that the, you know, obviously they have a list.

[00:25:37] Santa knows what shoe size. 1,973 naughty girls. Right. Naughty girls that wear a size seven. That's the age rule in Los Angeles? That wear that size seven of those. That specific shoe. I was about to say. Which that seems high. Seems a little low. That seems high to me.

[00:25:49] That's like Santa, this is specific shoes, size seven, also naughty girl. At first when he started to say that when we were watching the movie, I thought he was trying to say there was like 1900 girls in Los Angeles and I was like, I think there might

[00:25:52] be a few more. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

[00:26:08] I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And you thought it wasn't going to get PG 13? This is wild. Do you think that there are 1900 naughty girls in LA? You're the one that does the research. You tell me, buddy.

[00:26:18] That wear the same size of the same shoe? I think that's what the movie says. That's all I'm asking. So Ally decides she needs to turn off the machine. She turns it off but it turns back on. Dad can't come home for Christmas.

[00:26:33] Right, so we need to turn it off. She turns it off, it does not work. It turns right back on, it creates a blizzard. Well it does turn off. We get, it clears, planes are gonna start taking off and mom goes, storm's over, dad can come home.

[00:26:45] And Ali's like, nailed it. Boom. We did it. But then she goes to sleep. And when she wakes up, blizzard. Still snowing. It's bad news. Los Angeles is under. It's as bad as it's ever been. And so then they just kinda like mope around for a while

[00:26:59] and they talk about sad stories. Dad is stuck in the airport, mom's a caterer where all the parties are canceled. Seems like at least you have a dad. It gets really dark there. They don't even get to the whole Los Angeles.

[00:27:10] There are probably thousands of people dying every hour. We don't get to that, no. Speaking of that though. Sam's mom is a nurse, so she's gotta leave Sam at Ali's house and go brave the weather. To take care of all those people who are dying. That's right.

[00:27:25] So Edwin is now trying to track down wherever this is coming from. He finds a snowmobile that somebody's driving, takes it from him. So he's a naughty boy. He has a little lab at his cubicle. He tracks that storm to Ali's neighborhood.

[00:27:41] I didn't know that you could do that. If you could take it, but whatever, it doesn't matter. So steals a snowmobile and begins to head towards. I mean, you can do whatever you want, but you will end up on Santa's naughty list.

[00:27:52] That's true, you'll be on the naughty list. Naughty boys and girls. Ali and Sam, the power goes off. Wasn't trying to be better. They go to, I believe, get a flashlight or something in the shed and that is when they come across Santa. Santa Claus.

[00:28:08] And the elves, Popo, Gijo. And that's where they are. Kris Kringle. Santa Claus. And Ali is like, you're not Santa. Santa proves that he is Santa with some quick toothbrushing facts for you. Very intrusive information that he knows. Yeah, Santa says some basic things like you.

[00:28:32] Like cheese pizza. Yeah, you like thick crust cheese pizza with sausage. And then Samantha, you brush your teeth three times a day, but you don't floss. And Ali's like. I'm not impressed. Anybody could know those facts. Yeah, anybody could know those things.

[00:28:47] And then Santa says my favorite line, Samantha, when you're alone in your room. Say it. Say it with a straight face. You say it, we'll get that sound bite. We're not allowed to say it. But Santa says. Santa leans down.

[00:29:01] And says, Samantha, when you're alone in your room. And then there's a pause. And I was like, Santa, you can't say that, bud. And then he just says like, you dance around Ricky Martin like this and pretend you're married to him. And he does a little dance.

[00:29:16] And Ali laughs and then Santa goes, oh, you're gonna laugh? Just you wait. Your family looks like they're perfect, but really you're too busy to actually hang out with each other and you feel alone. He goes from magic trick to just full trauma like so quickly.

[00:29:31] One of those two girls now thinks someone's, a grown man is watching them in their bedroom. And the other one had their deepest darkest secret revealed. Yeah. Christmas magic everyone. He went from first year to trauma gear. He didn't even stop somewhere in between.

[00:29:48] Something about like, you say your favorite color's this, but secretly it's this. Nothing like that. Something in the middle there. When you were four, the one toy you wanted was. Yes! No, here's your deepest darkest secret that you haven't even told your best friend. Sometimes, sometimes.

[00:30:04] You're alone in your room. Sometimes when you tell your brother, I'm gonna kill you, you actually think through ways you actually could. And it takes over your entire day thinking about ways that you could murder your brother. Speaking of brothers, shout out to JJ.

[00:30:17] I have never wanted to kill you. There you go. Shout out to Jim. Not listening. Favorite brother this week? Pat! Woo! Jesse is over. You went Pat, Josh, back to Pat. It's unbelievable. Yeah. You said he's coming. Last week you were like, he's coming.

[00:30:33] And you still didn't choose him. I didn't say he was coming this week. I didn't say that. I can't believe this. I said he's coming. Pat's two brother of the week nods in. Jesse ain't got a mention? Nope. Jess. He knows what he did.

[00:30:46] He knows what he did. So. Jesse's a friend. He's a real good guy. We don't have time. We don't have time, we're up against it. So at this point, a meteorologist fella, Edwin, shows up at the house cause he's tracked it down.

[00:31:05] Kind of tricks his way into the house by. He says you've won our contest in spending a day with me. Yeah, which is weird. And then he demands her to go make like, bread. Yeah, he's trying to get her out of the room.

[00:31:17] She's like, do you want coffee? And he's like, yeah, add cream and sugar, but do that in the kitchen. And then keeps giving more things. Also, could you make me some toast and a pot roast? Which is good bread. So while she's in there, he runs up,

[00:31:30] he gets the machine. Which her little brother has found. Yes, cause he thinks that it is. It's his Christmas present that she is hiding in the flower box. And you may be asking, why would he think she'd hide his Christmas present outside in the flower box?

[00:31:45] There's a history there, guys. Apparently that's where she is. She hid the birthday present out there, don't ask. So he takes the machine and he is gonna make a run for it. As he's getting ready to leave, they come out of the garage area, the shed.

[00:32:03] They see him, they're gonna chase after him. He's on snowmobile. They know a shortcut though. Don't ask that as well. He swerves to not hit somebody and that causes him to go through a, what type of shop? Is it A, mattress shop? B, a light shop?

[00:32:24] C, a regular grocery store? Or C, the candy? The candy. D wasn't an option, he said C. Or D, the candy. So this is tough, cause I say the candy every time and I've never been right, not once. And I feel like now's the time to change.

[00:32:41] I'm gonna go light shop. Ooh. The light shop. I'm sticking with C slash D, the candy. Can't choose two. It is the candy. He said C, the candy, D, the candy. We also said C, grocery store. Yeah, he said C twice. Take it to the table.

[00:32:57] It is the candy. Finally, it was gonna be the candy and you messed it up. I was so excited. It's a candy shop. C, the candy, no! To the candy shop, Sugar Ray. So he barges into this candy shop. I wanna take time for this.

[00:33:14] You sang Candy Shop, which features 50 Cent, to the tune of Naughty Girl by Beyonce and yelled out the band Sugar Ray. That is, you won. You hit the trifecta. That was it. D, the candy! You were playing Bramble Jam Bingo over there and you crushed it. Thank you.

[00:33:32] So, he flies into a vat of chocolate. He gets out, he kind of makes a run for it. Unfortunately for him, he's tracking chocolate everywhere so they can find him. And he ends up falling down into the cotton candy as they try to get him.

[00:33:49] How is that cotton candy stored? Guys, are you freaking kidding me right now with this? Cotton candy, everyone knows you get in a bag. You then unzip bag or undo the zip tie. Have you ever had cotton candy from a zipper bag? No, like the- A zipper bag.

[00:34:06] You can unzip bag? Like a twist tie? Twist tie. Thank you. You imagine? Yeah. I mean, it would work. It would work because it needs to be airlocked. You can't just be a willy nilly or else it's going to go stale real fast.

[00:34:19] All of a sudden he's a science major over here. It's flossy sugar. Well, he got into a couple D-coms ago. He got into looking at cells and such and it just really started his science boy journey. I've seen the papers. He's gotta be airlocked. I've seen the paper.

[00:34:32] Yeah. I've seen the paper. But yeah, this cotton candy is not stored in any airtight container. In a cardboard box. It's a giant open cardboard box. It wouldn't work is all I'm saying. He can't eat that stuff. He falls in. He's not covered in chocolate and cotton candy.

[00:34:46] And they take the thing back and they are really then mean to him. And it's a bomb that you can't eat that cotton candy, but false, Sparky does eat it off of Edwin. And then they're just really mean to him. They like, you know, don't let them leave.

[00:34:58] It's a sad thing. The machine is broken though or so they think. So they got to do some, you know, rewirings and whatnot. Then they just pop in some new batteries. It works easily, which is great. And- We cranked that bad boy up to 58 degrees

[00:35:13] to melt all the snow. Yes. Could it go any higher? No. Santa's magically goes so far. Would 88 be way better and way quicker? Maybe. How about 98? If you can have snow, you can have a real hot day in Los Angeles. Hands are tied. 98 degrees.

[00:35:28] So they, the girls get back home for Christmas. Dad ends up showing up thanks to the elves, which rescued him and dropped him off via some magic. And Edwin is sent to Antarctica to teach scientists about the weather. The scene we all needed.

[00:35:44] And I guess that's good for him. He's happy about that. That's good. Anyway, that was The Ultimate Christmas Present. We're gonna take a quick break. We'll come back. We'll break this movie down a little bit more here on Decommercenders. Welcome back everybody. That was a smooth 20, 22 minutes.

[00:36:09] It's not bad. We're doing better. It's not bad. It's time. We're professionals. It's time for overtime. That's what we're talking about, how this movie aged over time. I do have- Overtime as in decom. Yes. D for decom. No, the O for decom. O for decom. Y'all are dumb.

[00:36:29] So- I'm gonna be airlocked. Get my zipper from a cotton candy. I'm Brian. It's gotta be airlocked. It's gotta be airlocked. That's all I'm saying. I'm Gary. Honk honk. We're off. For no one but for us. We're off this week. So please show some respect. So it's time-

[00:36:50] What are you a joke? It's time for overtime. How about the news, Gary? Here's the news. We're off this week. Honk honk. Gary doesn't do that much, first of all. It's time for overtime. It's where we talk about how this movie aged over time.

[00:37:06] I do have some letterbox reviews if you would like them. First is Georgie with half a star that says there are 1,837 girls in Los Angeles with size seven feet. That's the review. And I do think that it was important to read it.

[00:37:22] Jacob Wilson says two and a half stars. What the H-E-L hockey sticks is Santa doing at a summer cabin on December 22nd. Yes. Anyway. Thy says three stars. A five page single space paper. Yeah, I'd make a snowstorm too. Clara says two stars.

[00:37:46] I can tell the annoying brother isn't acting. He's just being his normal self. Oh, poor Spencer. Spencer Breslin. Anna says two stars. This movie implies at one point that Jennifer Love Hewitt died by slipping on a patch of ice while in Burbank. Which means that these two kids

[00:38:06] who stole Santa's weather changing machine have a body count. Depriving the world of her Oscar winning performances in Garfield and Garfield, A Tale of Two Kitties. Important stuff. That's it. A lot of Jennifer Love Hewitt movies to pull. Interesting. Garfield and Garfield, A Tale of Two Kitties.

[00:38:26] Bob Bot says the ultimate Christmas present would be not watching this movie. Victoria Moonin says Disney kids be acting with eyebrows only. Mac Pruden says one and a half stars. I guess the real ultimate Christmas present was the friends we made along the way.

[00:38:44] And I think that's sweet. Lila says four stars. Okay, but like why does Santa have the weather machine in the first place? A great question. It's a good question. We don't get answers. He has like one sentence where he talks about a beautiful like slow meandering snowfall,

[00:39:03] but I don't really know why. They could have made a meal out of that too. They could have really made it to where they could have waxed poetic about the beauty of snow and Graham would have been all in. I would have been all in.

[00:39:12] MCK says two and a half stars. Santa who is committed to memory the shoe sizes of every girl in LA and by his own admission keeps a list of quote unquote naughty girls holds two children against their will in a dimly lit garage. Merry Christmas.

[00:39:28] Yeah, Jimmy says remember kids Santa's watching you dance in your room to Ricky Martin through a grainy CCTV footage. And that's tough. Do you feel festive? Yes, yeah. And last but not least Shane says one and a half stars justice for Edwin honestly. Honestly.

[00:39:45] Oh, he's on team Edwin like you are Dan. Before you get into it speaking of reviews, June 14th is the last time we've gotten a review for this podcast. June 14th, Brian, how does that make you feel? I'm mad. I'm mad right? Right. It's almost a full month.

[00:40:01] I'm more hurt. Yeah. Than anything. Guys. But maybe all the people that are listening to us on the deck, the Hallmark feed can do us a solid go to the decom descendants. Decom descendants. That's all we're asking. Yeah. That's all we're asking.

[00:40:13] Let's talk about how we thought this movie aired over time. Aaron, you seen it. You said early on that you haven't watched it I think since the year 2000, since way back. It's been a long time. It's been a while. So now watching in 2024, how'd you feel about it?

[00:40:33] Yeah. I give a lot of opinions on this movie while we're watching it. You can take the tape.com. Oh, that's a great one. Hear all those great thoughts. I did not like this movie as a child and unpacking some of that in our little therapy session

[00:40:50] while we watched it, I think it's because I lived in a state where we had plenty of snow days and I understood that it wasn't a good idea to create a nonstop blizzard. And then when the machine gets broken, it just gets out of control.

[00:41:04] A lot of anxiety for 10 year old Aaron. Not a big fan. I didn't love it as a kid. Like not a lot of Christmas feels for me, but today I had a great time watching it. It's crazy. Santa's naughty list of girls is a line

[00:41:23] I'm never gonna forget as much as I try. But yeah, probably not one I'm gonna watch like every Christmas like I would with Halloween Town every Halloween or Phantom of the Megaplex, but I didn't hate it as much. It was funny to watch it with Brandon Dan.

[00:41:41] Thank you. Say no more. Yeah, what a sell. 10 year old Brandon did not have anxiety watching this movie. He loved every second of it. I can see now as an adult watching this movie that there's ways that this movie could have been better. I like the overall premise.

[00:41:58] Finding a machine that makes it snow in Los Angeles and realizing that that comes with great power, comes with great responsibility. And figuring that out and then trying to right the wrong there and getting close to your family in the process. I like that.

[00:42:13] The Edwin of it all is a giant miss in this movie. Having a meteorologist that is not good on TV is obsessed with just finding out science and then does a weird villain arc where he basically tricks his way into a house to steal something from kids.

[00:42:37] And once he gets it, he says that now I'm never gonna be wrong ever again because he can control the weather. Was so one, weird and two, unnecessary in this Christmas movie. And so because of Edwin, granted Edwin's not a huge part of this movie until the end

[00:42:56] but even throughout, every time they went to Edwin it came to a screeching halt. It was an unnecessary plot point. It was a really weird villain creation by the people who made this movie. We had a really sweet family fun time

[00:43:11] that we could have just told that story and had like Santa and his elf showing up and being like you can't have this blah, blah, blah. That's all fine. The Edwin meteorologist plot of this movie is unnecessary and unfortunate.

[00:43:24] And so without that, I love this movie a ton. With it, I'm gonna have some tough decisions to make here in the next segment Dan. Yeah, this movie's not good. I think, here's my thing is I would have been in Brand's camp as a kid, not Aaron's.

[00:43:40] As a kid, nine, 10 years old, I would have thought this movie was really fun. A lot of fun, a lot of hijinks, crazy Santa fun times. My anxiety would have kicked in at roughly whenever I watched it, whenever this morning was at 40 years old. Three reasons.

[00:43:57] Number one, Los Angeles is currently because of this movie just hemorrhaging people. It is, you can't watch this movie and think about if you've ever been to Los Angeles, thinking of, think about a blizzard that lasts three or four days,

[00:44:12] what it would do to not only the infrastructure but the people in the city. It's not a fun, happy, go, hey, Joe, we did it time. It's not a decom, real bad. Second, Santa is a creeper. I know that Santa sees you when you're sleeping

[00:44:25] and knows when you're awake. But good Santa movies don't concentrate on that. They don't bring that into the forefront. You keep that back in the further recesses of your mind when you think about Santa. Well, I've always envisaged it like when I do a good deed,

[00:44:40] like Santa knows I've done something good. I don't picture Santa having CCTV into my bedroom. I've always thought of it as information that was just in his mind. Like he just knows it. Even though the lore is he sees you when you're asleep. He's watching you sleep.

[00:44:58] Listen, it's creepy. Santa as an entity is creepy. This movie decides to lean into the more creepy predatory aspects of Santa instead of the fun jovial aspects of Santa. Even the way the guy delivers his lines. Blah, blah, blah. Just not okay. That's two. And then number three,

[00:45:15] the bad guy in this movie is a meteorologist that wants to better understand science and weather. He's the villain of this movie is pro-science and wants to be better for his city and his community. What are we doing? So it's kind of a train wreck. Great idea.

[00:45:35] I'm with Bran. As a nine year old, I've been like, snow out of nowhere in South Carolina, sign me up. But watching it now, I couldn't get past these massive roadblocks in this movie that made my enjoyment of it only because I'm watching it with friends.

[00:45:50] That would be the only reason that I enjoyed it. So yeah, not for me. I think having lived down here for like a year now, I can, and having lived through two winters here with no snow, I can see how if I had grown up in a place

[00:46:03] that didn't have snow, like it would be more magical to be like, oh, just out of nowhere we can have a snowstorm. Yeah. We have plenty of that up North. So I was like, this is, we don't need more. I mean, they're playing with shovels.

[00:46:14] You guys hate shoveling snow up there. Yeah. As an adult living in New England, after so many inches, I personally stopped shoveling. I'm like, it will just melt. It'll go away eventually. It'll go away at some point. That's how I handle leaves. She's like, it'll go away eventually.

[00:46:32] As a child, shoveling was fun. I loved getting all dressed up to go help my dad with the driveway. And then at a certain age, like post 13, I was like, how can I get out of this? I'm going to take 30 minutes to put on a glove.

[00:46:46] I will see you guys out there. A glove. It's time for making a list. We're going to make our list. We're going to check it twice. So we're going to tell you where Ultimate Christmas Present lands in our rankings. We've been ranking all of these,

[00:46:58] but we're only read the top 10 of each of our lists. And of course let you know if somehow Ultimate Christmas Present didn't make the top 10, where it lands. Where it lands. So weird that it wouldn't. Aaron, I can't imagine that it didn't make your top 10,

[00:47:11] but let us know where, where's Ultimate Christmas Present? What's your top 10? Ultimate Christmas Present is coming in hot at 14. Oh, me too. Oh, hey. Hey. Y'all. Me too. 14 for all three of us? What are the, oh my goodness. Out of how many total movies? 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24.

[00:47:34] Out of 24 movies, we all have it at 14. I thought for sure it was going to crack 10 for you, Brian. Yeah, I mean, I'm surprised it didn't either. But I like the inside of that for you, Aaron. It's right in between Rip Girls and Alley Cat Strike.

[00:47:48] Yeah, I've got Alley Cat Strike at 15. I think you've got it at 13, right? And then- No, I have it at 15. Oh, perfect. And then you said Rip Girls? Yeah, that, I don't see that on my list anywhere. Because again, I would still love to inherit land in Hawaii.

[00:47:59] Rip Girls at 13 is a crime. I don't even see that on my list anywhere. Where is that? And then I was like, you're telling me I could inherit oceanfront property? Rip Girls is 22 on my list. It's 21 for me. 22 on my list. Oceanfront property.

[00:48:15] Aaron just wants to be by the beach. Keep saying it. I know. Sorry, go ahead. Okay. So we have number 10, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire. Nine, Brink. Eight, Xenon. Seven, The Other Me. Six, Quince. Five, The Color of Friendship. So that is down from number three.

[00:48:35] We've had a little switch them ups. Yeah. Slowly. Listen, I can't wait until your white guilt just goes away and you move it back out of the top 10. I will say. Yes. You were eight, Erin. It was not great. You were eight. I love Lindsay Hahn.

[00:48:54] But the other girl, the world plays Piper in Color of Friendship is in another D-com that we're going to watch real soon, Xenon the sequel. And I'm just saying that maybe her performance in that has affected The Color of Friendship. I don't know, just saying.

[00:49:10] Number four, Halloween Town. Number three, Smart House. Two, Miracle in Lane. Two, One, Johnny Smummy. Number 10, Genius. Number nine, Alley Cat Strike, baby. Holding on. You have lost your mind. Hey, it's better than Rip Girls. It's better than Rip Girls. Eight, Quince.

[00:49:30] There's no ocean in Alley Cat Strike. Seven, Phantom of the Megaplex. Six, Halloween Town. Five, Miracle in Lane. Two, four, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire, which means everybody, I have three Halloween related movies ahead of the Christmas movie. Good for you.

[00:49:46] So people say I'm not trying here. You're trying, dude. It's not a brink you're trying. Number three, Smart House. Boy, that tracks. You have no more Christmas spirit. Number two, Johnny Tsunami. You're a sleepy boy now. And one, Brink. Yeah. Greatest movie of all time.

[00:49:59] Obviously, Ultimate Christmas Present did not end up in my top 10. Where'd it end up? We've already done this. Oh, shit. How dare you? I have two switches. Last week, Genius was 10. Smart House was 11. Smart House back in at 10. Woo! Genius down to 11. I moved them.

[00:50:19] I think Smart House stuck with me. So Smart House, 10. Xenon, nine. Other Me, eight. Oh, another move. Quince was six. It dropped to seven. Moving up to six, a movie that I've enjoyed thinking about even though I did not like it as much. Don't Look Under the Bed.

[00:50:35] Phantom of the Megaplex. At six, five, Brink. Four, Miracle in Lane Two. Three, Mom's Got a Date with a Vampire. Two, Halloween Town. One, Johnny Tsunami. It makes me so happy you rank in these movies. It makes me so happy. But I think they're pretty definitive.

[00:50:51] I think that there's a... The fun thing about this is unlike Hallmark movies where they all exist in between a four and a six, these movies have quite a bit of a sliding scale to them. Ranking Hallmark Christmas movies, like I do that on my Letterboxd as well.

[00:51:06] And there are some that obviously belong at the bottom and some that obviously belong at the top. And then ranking those middle 30- Numbers 13 to 28 on your Hallmark list are one movie. It's all for you. So this is a little better.

[00:51:20] You add it to your list and you just kind of feel it as you scroll up and go. When you ask me where I want to put it, I go 22. And then I look at them like, that feels like it's where it should be. That feels right. Yeah.

[00:51:33] We did everybody, congratulations. Next week we're going to be back. We're going to be talking about our very first Zequel. Zine on the Zequel. And you may ask, isn't that just a sequel? And we say- It is a sequel called Zequel. And I think we'll get to it.

[00:51:46] It's in the title mother effer. It's a Zequel. PG-13. PG-13. We're going to be back next week on the DCom Descendants feed with that movie. So if you like this and you're listening on Deck the Hallmark, open up your- What if you like PG Coladas?

[00:52:00] Open up your podcast app, search for DCom Descendants. And getting caught in the rain. What? What do you feel about yoga? DCom Descendants. DCom Descendants is a Bramble Jam podcast. It's produced by Brandon Gray. To follow us each and every week,

[00:52:20] you can go to thesocials at dcomdescendants.com or you can find us on the web, dcompodcast.com. The socials doesn't have a .com in it. That was just for funsies. We record it here in town. To watch us watch these movies live, you can go to bramblejamplus.com.

[00:52:35] If you were hoping to hear Deck the Hallmark today, we're sorry. You're about to hear some ads that help keep the lights on here in the old studio. Thanks for listening or don't listen. It's really up to you at this point. It's at the end of the show.

[00:52:55] I mean, you're listening to me, hi. But here they come. I promise they're coming. Yep, here they are. Happy day.